Being the loyal, dedicated, observant and stunningly attractive readership that you are, you’ve probably noticed that this week’s post is a little on the late side. That’s not because I forgot about you–far from it. I actually went on what you might call a short research
sabbatical for THIS VERY POST. What kind of research sabbatical can a blogger go on, you ask? Well, let me ask you something: what better way to research being an adult with a temporary illness than to actually get sick?

… Actually, I can think of lots of better ways. Internet research. Reading library books. Visiting a sick friend while wearing a surgical mask and taking detailed notes while making them chicken soup. If I could have chosen one of those, I would have, but sadly my choice hasn’t really been involved in many decisions I’ve made recently.

I’ve been out of commission for the past eight days with a stomach virus. This has been not fun for lots of reasons, but one of the biggest ones is that this is the first serious illness I’ve had away from home. I’ve figured out that there are going to be very few people in my life who will want to hang out with me no matter how sick and contagious I am. One is my mom, the other one is my thus far imaginary future husband, and neither of them were with me last weekend.

Being sick sucks. Hopefully you never have to get really good at nursing yourself back to health–if you’re sick that often, please start taking some vitamins and go visit your primary care physician to figure out if you have something more serious–but just in case you end up catching a winter bug, here are some ways to make the whole experience less miserable.

What is not sucking? Not sucking is defined in the world of temporary illness as being able to adequately care for one’s self while in the midst of a flu, cold, or other bacterial or viral infection without going insane or causing a local epidemic.

1. Gather supplies beforehand. Try to always have things like over the counter medicines, a thermometer, Gatorade in your preferred color, tissues, tea and saltines on hand, especially during cold and flu season or if you live in close quarters with roommates. If you don’t know what kind of over the counter meds to get, call your parents and ask.

2. Perform self triage. Staying home sick from work or college classes has MANY more implications than taking a Ferris Bueller day in high school. If you have a fever, you’re finding your digestion to be more eventful than usual, you have a bad headache that doesn’t get better after a normal dose of ibuprofen or you generally have symptoms that are going to mess with your ability to perform normal activities, you’re probably better off staying home. This is also true if you have a bad cough. If you’ve just got a bad case of the sniffles or some irritating cramps, though, take some meds and suffer through the day. Your GPA and/or performance review will thank you later. (Note: that sniffles thing might be a little different if you work in food service. I’ll take my Subway sandwich without the snot, thanks.)

3. Get evidence. Selfies don’t count. If you’re in college and you know you’re going to miss class because you’re sick, get to a doctor and get a note. Attendance policies vary between universities and individual professors; this is where it pays to read your syllabi. Most workplaces won’t require you to get a note from a doctor, but if you have health insurance and you suspect you might be sick, a visit to a primary care clinic rarely hurts. That said, if you have an exam, those are nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get out of or delay. Suck it up, go, take the test and be satisfied with the knowledge that you probably infected your professor.

4. Do what the doctor tells you. Unless, of course, your doctor has extra arms made of flexible metal. In that case, you should run far away from your doctor and consult Peter Parker instead.

5. Take it easy. If you take a sick day, really take a sick day. Go to bed. Drink lots of fluids. Read books, watch movies, binge on your favorite TV shows. You, my feverish, sniffling friend, have just stumbled upon a rare opportunity: a few days of adult life in which laziness is tolerated and even encouraged. Indulge in it.

6. … But don’t forget you have a life. That life is going to begin again with a vengeance once your doctor’s note expires. Make sure you’re reasonably keeping up with your assignments from bed, and ask friends in your classes for notes as soon as you’re healthy.

7. Know when you’re beat. If you have a fever of 104 degrees Fahrenheit or more, you find it difficult to keep liquids down, you’re having chest pains or difficulty breathing, you’re hallucinating, there is blood coming out of places blood should not be coming out of or you feel genuinely afraid of what could happen if your symptoms continue, it’s time to go to the emergency room. Enlist a friend to drive you if you can. If there’s nobody around to drive you, STILL DO NOT CALL AN AMBULANCE unless you are absolutely certain that a) there is not one more single person you know who could drive you to the hospital, b) you cannot drive yourself without causing some kind of accident and/or c) you’re going to need care on the way to the hospital. For more information on when to go to the emergency room and when to call an ambulance, visit this page.

Feel better, readers! In the meantime, take a minute to like this page on Facebook and follow us on Twitter @hownottosuckblg.

Hate to break it to you, readers, but Christmas? New Year’s Eve? New Year’s Day? All of it’s over. The world has gone back to normal, and I don’t think anyone’s more aware of it than college students. (Except maybe retail employees… the difference is college students aren’t happy about it.)

At my university, once you’re done with finals, you’re done with class for almost a full month—that means 26 to 28 days of sleeping in, endless Netflix binges, and minimal responsibility. The break is awesome while it lasts, but coming back to your regular obligations can be something of a shock, particularly when those obligations happen before noon.

NBC’s Parks and Recreation on breakfast. Original still image from g33kpron.com.

Confession time: I’m a morning person. I like watching the sun come up when I can, and like Leslie Knope, I have no idea why anyone eats anything but breakfast food. I am almost embarrassingly perky before eleven a.m., which renders me persona non grata in some circles. I love being awake in the morning, but do you know what else I love? Sleep. My bed is one of my favorite places in the whole world, and even if I’m excited to begin my day, that makes getting out of it really difficult. Still, though, here I am, fully dressed, at a computer in my university’s library (as part of my New Year’s resolution to get out of my apartment at every given opportunity), having signed the roll sheet for my first class of the spring semester at nine a.m. just like I was supposed to. Am I happy about it? That’s a good question. It’s also an irrelevant one, because guess what? I did it.

You don’t have to be great at getting up in the morning. There is absolutely no need for you to be Rapunzel from Tangled, bouncing out of bed with a song in your heart at seven a.m. with nothing to look forward to but cleaning your house—but you still have to get up. Here are some ways to make it suck less.

What is not sucking? Not sucking is defined in the world of removing oneself from bed in the morning as being upright and mobile relatively quickly, without completely hating life.

1. Remember your mornings start at night. Plan to go to bed eight or nine hours before you know you have to get up for optimum daytime pleasantness. Prepare for your day the night before—there’s no shame in being the kid who plans your outfit for the next day and lays it out before bed.

2. Set an alarm you hate. If you wake up to your favorite song, you’re going to be content enough to stay in bed until it’s over. However, most of us know all too well that a few minutes of pleasantly lying awake in bed can quickly turn into “Well, just a few more minutes”… aaaaand suddenly you’ve slept through all your classes. Not good. The best way to make sure you get up and on your feet as soon as possible is to set a really annoying alarm and put it across the room from your bed. Mine is a beep that gets steadily louder, faster and higher pitched the longer I leave it on. Once your feet have touched carpet (or wood, or tile, or linoleum… I don’t know what you have on the floor in your room. We aren’t that close yet), getting into your morning routine will be that much easier.

3. Have a routine you can do while still mostly asleep. This is where laying your clothes out the night before can be really helpful. I don’t know about you, but it takes me about an hour after I wake up to gain the mental capacity to match clothes by color, and I don’t have that kind of time before my classes start. If you can, avoid thinking for a while right after waking up. Shower. Brush your hair. Brush your teeth. Fix cereal for breakfast. Do stuff that you can do mechanically and worry about complicated problems (“Does this shirt go with these shoes?” “Where are my keys?” “What should I do with my life?”) later.

Thank you, Disney, for finally giving us a realistic depiction of waking up. Anna from Frozen. Original still from fanpop.com.

4. Do something that makes you happy right after you get up. One thing that can make getting out of bed a lot less annoying is pairing it, in your head, with something to look forward to. For me, that’s coffee. For you, it might be dancing to loud music, playing with your dog, or watching that paper delivery boy toss your next-door neighbor’s Wall Street Journal onto the roof yet again (is he doing it on purpose? Either way, it’s funny). Maybe it’s getting ready for the first ball your castle has held in over a decade, or maybe it’s just cleaning your house with your pet chameleon. No matter what it is, make sure it makes you feel pleasant enough to not completely regret leaving your nice warm sheets. They’ll still be there in twelve hours—trust me on this one.

What gets you out of bed in the morning? Leave a comment here or on the Facebook page or tweet it @hownottosuckblg (not “blog”. “Blg”, as in “Blg, I can’t believe I have to get up at 7 tomorrow”).

Regardless of race, gender, age, sexual orientation, religion, location or number of pets, everybody on the Internet has one thing in common: we all have opinions. There’s a saying rolling around Pinterest right now that sounds a little something like this: “How to Start an Argument on the Internet: 1. Express an opinion. 2. Wait.”

The Internet is no different from any other modern medium. Television and newspapers are both chock-full of “experts” who are paid to do nothing but voice very strong opinions about everything from education reform to reality TV personalities to corporate policy. Having a decisive opinion on every single issue presented has definitely come in vogue.

Let me tell you a secret, though: not everyone on the Internet, or in the physical world at large, knows exactly where they stand on everything. It just seems like it because every time any issue comes up anywhere, somebody with a firm opinion on the subject crawls out of the woodwork and expresses themselves. It’s not that everybody has an opinion on everything; it’s just that everybody has an opinion on something.

Of course, sometimes it’s necessary to have an opinion on something about which you didn’t previously care that much: elections, term papers and even family dinners will require you to tell politicians, professors and your Uncle Steve exactly what you think about divisive subjects. Also, I hope I don’t need to tell you that in most situations, just having an opinion isn’t enough. You must have a valid opinion, and in many cases you’ll need to argue to defend its validity. Let’s go over a few steps that will increase your knowledge of the world, motivate you to participate in events and movements and even make you sound a little more intelligent when you’re giving people a piece of your mind.

What is not sucking? Not sucking is defined in the realm of possessing a point of view as being able to think clearly and logically about a certain subject, decide one’s thoughts about it, and express and defend them to others when necessary.

1. Know what an opinion is. An opinion is the conclusion of an argument. It must be supported by empirical, observed, factual evidence, and while it cannot be proven true or false, it can be proven valid or invalid. In other words, it’s subjective and supported (or refuted) by evidence.

2. Know what an opinion isn’t. An opinion is not something that is definitely, unquestionably true, backed up by years of experience or observation. Scientific research and evidence do not add up to create an opinion. What I’ve just described is a fact.

Conversely, anything that a person thinks to be true without the existence of or need for strong empirical evidence is not an opinion which can be proven valid or invalid, but a belief. Beliefs do not rely on fact, but faith. This doesn’t make them wrong; it just makes them inarguable. Of course, anything that has actually been proven incorrect is neither a fact nor a belief, and it’s not an opinion either; it’s just an incorrect statement. No matter how hard you believe that fish can breathe air, take a fish out of water long enough and it is going to die.

Sherlock wants you to read up on subjects that are important to you. Originally posted on gifs-for-the-masses.tumblr.com.

3. Read. A lot. Before you can decide how you feel about something, you have to know a lot about it. While Googling something can turn up quite a lot of incorrect information, searching carefully and with discretion can turn up reliable information as well. Look for the source of your information. In general, information you get from a source with an avowed bias, i.e. a political organization, should be taken like a bad steak: with quite a lot of salt. Also, there’s a reason libraries still exist in the age of the Internet: librarians. Going to your local public library (or your university library, if you’re in college) and speaking to a human who works there is one of the best ways to learn about any subject. Once you’ve got the facts…

4. Listen to your feelings. Extensive reading from multiple sources combined with your own experiences should be enough to give you an initial hint about your thoughts about your subject. Your opinion doesn’t have to be definite in most cases. Despite what you see on TV (and what many people demand from people like politicians), educated black-and-white judgments of complicated issues are rather uncommon. (One notable exception to this rule is when you’re writing a paper. A proper thesis expresses a strong, defined, conclusive argument.)

Once you’ve figured out how you feel after learning all the facts, congratulations: you have an opinion. BUT WAIT, WE’RE NOT DONE—

5. Make sure you’re not using any fallacious reasoning. Sometimes, even if you’ve got your facts right, your conclusion—the opinion—can still be invalid because of errors in reasoning. You might have learned in high school English that these are called fallacies; you may have learned from watching politicians on TV that they make you sound stupid. I could list them all here, but frankly that would just take up too much space; the most common logical fallacies are described in quite digestible detail on this website from the University of Idaho. Read them. Learn them. Love them. And, if you recognize any logical errors in your own thinking…

6. Accept being wrong gracefully. Sometimes, evidence is presented which renders your previously valid opinion or belief invalid. Sometimes when you think a writer is irritating because of his war on the adverb, you read his book about his time in Paris and decide that he’s actually capable of some really beautiful stuff. Sometimes when you think your parents died in a car crash, a hairy half-giant crashes through your door and tells you they were murdered by Lord Voldemort. Sometimes when you think leggings should never, ever be worn as pants, you try on some Denim Flex jeggings at Maurice’s and walk out with three pairs. Everyone is wrong sometimes, and that’s okay. Just absorb the new information and move on.

In my humble opinion, you should totally go like this blog on Facebook and follow it on Twitter. If you have an opinion about this post, leave a comment below or on the Facebook page. It definitely wouldn’t suck to hear from you.

If the quality of gifts exchanged at the holidays were as important to interpersonal relationships as the media makes it look, my friends and family would have kicked me to the curb quite some time ago. I’m a great shopper for myself, and I like to think that I maintain pretty close relationships, but for some reason when it comes time to select gifts for people I know, I just… can’t… do it. There have been some successes—most notably the red velvet cheesecake cookies I made for a good friend’s Chanukah gift, the quality of which actually caused his eyes to roll all the way back into his head upon taking the first bite—but for every well-baked cookie or snuggly scarf I can name off the top of my head, I’ve given three gifts that were wholly unsuccessful. Accessories I’ve given have gone unused; handmade bracelets have fallen apart in my pocket before I got a chance to hand them over; well-meaning souvenirs have gotten strange looks and unconvincing expressions of gratitude.

The legendary cookies. Original photo by Ira Stecher.

I may never get in the habit of buying excellent gifts all the time. However, what I lack in present know-how I make up for in Christmas spirit. I may not be great at it in every situation, but gift-giving is one of my favorite things to do, and in my opinion it’s one of the happiest parts of Christmas. Plus, after nineteen years, I’ve learned at least a few ways to make sure your gifts to other people don’t get smiled at to your face and exchanged right away behind your back.

What is not sucking? In the world of holiday gift-giving, not sucking is defined as giving presents that are thoughtful and desired or appreciated by the receiver.

1.        Ask outright. “What do you want for Christmas?” is almost never an unwelcome question. (One notable exception is people who do not celebrate Christmas. Ask these people what they would like for Chanukah/Winter Solstice/Kwanzaa/Festivus.) However, some people (significant others are a great example) would prefer not to answer this question and be “surprised”. In this case, proceed to:
2.        Ask somebody else outright. The only situation in which it is okay to sneak around and talk about somebody else to their friends behind their back is figuring out what they want for the holidays. Best friends, partners or close family members are sometimes the best resources for discovering the one item that somebody really wants. However, if these resources prove to be no help (“Uhh, I think she likes Doctor Who. Maybe. Or she hates it. Anyway, she technically told me not to tell you anything”), proceed to:
3.        Think about what this person is a fan of. A sports team? A comic book hero? A book series? A TV show? If the person you’re buying for is a big fan of something, basically anything related to that thing will be a welcome and appreciated gift. If the person you’re buying for somehow isn’t a fan of anything cultural, proceed to:
4.        Think about your relationship with this person. What have you and your friend/significant other/family member done together that you both enjoyed? If you went to a Disney movie together a year ago and they loved it, get them a copy of the DVD. If you have the kind of relationship that can withstand a few dollars spent on something useless and hilarious only to the two of you, you can buy a gag gift as long as it’s well-thought out, at least not totally tasteless and personalized. Anything to do with an inside joke between the two of you is better than a singing fish. Actually, anything at all is better than a singing fish. If the two of you are romantically involved (or you’re hoping that the two of you will become romantically involved), then something like perfume or cologne is appropriate as long as the person is not allergic to it. Been there, done that.
5.        Consider making something. If you’re crafty at all, giving a homemade gift is a great option. Homemade baked goods, jewelry, tchotchkes and scrapbooks require a lot of time and effort, something that their recipients will inevitably recognize. You’ll get extra points, they’ll get extra happy. A couple of words of caution: regardless of your skill with crafts, make sure you really do put a lot of time and effort into any homemade gift you put together. If you make something by hand and do it by halves, it shows. Always. Also, homemade gifts tend, in general, to be better for people who really love you already, like parents or significant others (though I will say that everyone appreciates good food).
6.        If all else fails, buy them a book. A book is never a bad idea. If they like to read, they’ll love it. If they hate to read, you shouldn’t be good enough friends with them to be buying them stuff anyway. Make sure it’s one you’ve read and liked, and that you have at least a 10% suspicion they will like as well. If you feel like it, include some good chocolate to eat while reading.
7.        And, as always, be kind to retail employees. We’re doing our best.

Merry Christmas! Happy belated Chanukah! Happy Kwanzaa! Happy Solstice! Happy Festivus! And a happy new year to everyone. 🙂

Did I miss your holiday? Want to send holiday greetings to me? (Aww, how sweet of you.) Comment on this post, like How Not to Suck on Facebook and follow us on Twitter @hownottosuckblg (not blog. Blg. It’s Welsh for “the o wouldn’t fit in my Twitter handle”). 

The last five weeks of the year are always dedicated to the turkey. First there’s Thanksgiving, where turkey is served at one meal; then there’s the week after Thanksgiving, where turkey is served at every meal; and then, in some households, there’s Christmas, where there’s yet another turkey (and sometimes a ham, but we don’t talk about that). However, I’d like to take a break from the turkey love and pay tribute to another formerly feathered friend of mine.

In August, I moved into my first apartment and started providing for myself for the first time (my first year of college doesn’t count because I had a meal plan). My survival over the past three months has been entirely due to one bird in particular: the frozen chicken. It’s cheap. It’s versatile. It’s really, really difficult to mess up.

Here we see the frozen chicken in its natural habitat. Originally from seedebtrun.com

And yet, for several weeks, I did nothing but exactly that. My first few weeks of self-sufficiency were marred by daily screw-ups involving frozen poultry, including but not limited to discovering the chicken was still partially frozen after I’d cooked it, having to put chicken back in the pan or the oven three times because it was still undercooked, and, my personal favorite, burning. (Protip: chicken crusted with charred garlic powder tastes surprisingly not awful.)

Some people treat cooking like art. I know this because I live with one of those people. His cooking experiments lead to things that taste like they came down from God’s own hors d’oeurve plate—I’ve learned from experience that if he says, “Hey, Shelby, wanna try this?” or “Hey, Shelby, want me to make that?”, I should always answer “OH GOD YES”. (Also, boys… he’s single. 😉 )

I am not one of those people. I cook solely because if I did not I would either go into debt buying takeout or starve to death. If you’re one of those people, too, first, high five because we are adults who fend for ourselves and we are still alive, and then take a moment to reorganize your priorities if you’re feeling insecure about your inability to use an oven. So cooking’s not your passion. So what? You’re not required to become the next Food Network Star. You’re just required to keep yourself alive until you can get a job good enough to allow you to afford to eat out, or until you get married to someone who can cook. In the interest of self-preservation, then, here’s a super-easy chicken “recipe” that it is literally impossible to mess up. Enjoy it—or at least don’t hate it—and move on to doing something more important.

What is not sucking? Not sucking is defined in the realm of chicken preparation as creating a chicken dish that tastes decent, is not burnt, and will not give you food poisoning.

1.        Thaw your chicken. If you’re a college student and you eat meat (sorry, vegetarians and vegans), then I highly recommend buying your chicken frozen. You can get a lot at one time for not a lot of money. Frozen chicken breasts are cheap, and thighs are even cheaper. When you buy frozen, though, you have to thaw it before you put it in the oven. You can do this way ahead of time (think 8+ hours) by moving the chicken you want to cook from the freezer to the refrigerator, but for more spontaneous cooks, there’s the option of putting the pieces you intend to cook in a bowl of water and letting them sit for anywhere from a half hour to two hours. Check it every so often by touching it and deciding if it feels more like a block of solid ice or a piece of actual flesh (which is what it is, so don’t be squeamish). Health note: always wash your hands after every time you touch chicken. Or any meat. Or a stray dog. Once the whole piece of chicken feels like it’s not frozen, you can move on to the next step.
2.        Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. I don’t know how to further assist you with this step.
3.        Get some foil. Place your chicken piece or pieces in the foil. Wrap them individually. BUT WAIT, BEFORE YOU WRAP IT—
4.        Make it not boring. Plain chicken breasts are really, really bland. If you eat that all the time you are going to throw yourself off the roof of your apartment building in a matter of weeks. If you don’t have spices in your cabinet, go get some—to figure out what you should get, call your mom, your grandmother or a friend who can cook. I can tell you from experience that garlic powder and paprika go well on just about anything. Oregano and basil are good for Italian flavor; basically anything with the word “pepper” on it will make it spicy; you could probably add soy sauce to give your chicken a little Asian kick if you wanted. Experiment however you want, but be aware that this is college, so you’re gonna need to eat whatever comes out no matter how it tastes.
5.        Wrap up the chicken in the foil. This does two things for you: it locks in the flavor and keeps you from having to do a lot of tedious cleaning up later.
6.        Put the foil-wrapped chicken on a cookie sheet. You don’t even have to grease it.
7.        Put the cookie sheet in the oven. Only do this if the oven is heated to 350. Every oven is different—usually there’s a little light or a bell that goes on or off to let you know your oven is ready.
8.        Wait 20-25 minutes. Longer if you’re using thighs.
9.      Put on some oven mitts and pull out your dinner. Make sure not to let the cookie sheet touch your bare skin—I found this out the hard way while baking cookies last week. (Scarring builds character.) The foil, however, will not be hot.
10.    Serve with some kind of vegetable. We don’t want your parents to worry. Hope it’s decent!

Hey, now that you’ve eaten dinner, you can go like this page on Facebook and follow me on Twitter (@hownottosuckblg–no, no o)! 

It’s really hard to be an American with good body image.

America, along with the rest of the world, is in a weird place right now when it comes to thinking about people’s bodies. On the one hand, you’ve got the huge group of advertisers selling “ideal” bodies to “average” people: superthin women with impossibly large breasts and hypermuscular men selling cars, fragrances, clothes and countless other products to the jealous and insecure masses. On the other hand, you’ve got the “I just want you to be healthy” movement, which looks on the surface to be a harmless battle against obesity, but often defines “healthy” as three shrimp and some apple slices for dinner followed by 200 reps on the rowing machine for dessert. This movement is the reason you see so many “motivational” workout posts on the Internet that just shame and embarrass people: “What you eat in private you wear in public”, “Would you rather have fries or a thigh gap?”, “Won’t quit till I’m fit” superimposed over the body of a girl with protruding hip bones or a guy with biceps the size of basketballs.*

The proper response to body shaming.

Then, balancing on our culture’s collective knee, there’s the “love your body” movement. This growing cultural phenomenon has a good message—embrace what you were born with, treat your body with respect, screw other people’s opinions of how you look—but it can be an intimidating change for people who have been inundated with messages of body conformity since birth. I love Disney movies as much as the next person, but Lilo and Stitch was the first one to present characters with any degree of anatomical truth, and that didn’t show up until I was eight.

Perfect body comfort—just like a perfect body—is something you may never achieve. That’s okay. For now, let’s just focus on getting to feeling decent about your body, mmkay?

What is not sucking? Not sucking is defined in the world of positive body image as acknowledging that, while your body may not fit somebody else’s or even your own picture of the ideal, it’s, in the words of Stitch, “still good. Yeah, still good.”

1.        Stop saying mean things to yourself. Would you ever tell a friend that the fact that her thighs touch makes her a worthless human being or that his lack of six pack abs makes him a loser? Then stop saying it (or even thinking it) about your own body. You deserve just as much love and respect as the people around you, and you should treat yourself just as well as you expect others to treat you. I know this is easier said than done, but just start by being conscious of the way you think about your body. Becoming aware of negativity in your thinking is the first step to eradicating it.
2.        Say some nice things. Take a look in the mirror. Then, out loud, on paper, or just in your head, name some things that you actually like about your looks. Don’t ask other people for input; the only way to do this right is to do it yourself. These things you like can be anywhere on your body, they can be quirky things or “average” things, and they can even be things that society or the inside of your brain tells you that you’re “supposed” to hate. They just need to be parts of you that elicit a positive reaction when you look at them. Try to get to five things. Then ten.
3.        Stop attaching moral value to things you eat. Unless your broccoli gets hit with gamma rays and starts fighting crime, it is not an inherently “good” food. Unless your pizza puts a tack on your chair before you sit down to eat it, it is not an inherently “bad” food. What you digest does not determine whether you are a good or bad person, a success or a failure. Remember this as we go into the holiday season: eating that second helping of mashed potatoes or that third sugar cookie is not going to put you on the path to dropping out of school, quitting your job and living in a van by the river.
4.        That said, respect the temple. Eat fruit. Eat vegetables. Drink water. I don’t know about you, but when I satisfy actual hunger or thirst with stuff like that, I feel good. When I’m craving chocolate, though, eating an apple just makes me want more chocolate. Eat what will make you feel happy—not entertained, but happy.
5.        Move around. You don’t have to go to the gym for this. Of course, you can if you really want to—I’m aware that some people enjoy going to the gym like I’m aware that some people believe Elvis is still living. However, if the gym sounds more like a medieval torture chamber than a place to have fun and get fit, you still have lots of opportunities to stay active. Walk places. Dance. Go swimming (for fun, not laps). Play a sport, if that’s your thing. Do some yoga. When you see what your body can do, you’ll be better friends with it.
6.        Look nice. Wash yourself. Brush your teeth. Wear clothes that fit. Smell good (or at least don’t smell bad). This isn’t for other people—it’s for you. Self-care is important because it makes you feel like you’re worth being taken care of.
7.        Focus on your inner parts. Not your spleen—your mind. Your spirit. Your soul. The part of you that scientists think might exist in your brain but that they’re still looking for. When we’re forty, with spouses and/or children and/or cats and careers that we’re perfectly happy focusing on, we’re not going to have the time or biology to keep up with “perfect” bodies. We’re definitely going to have whatever inner qualities we chose to invest in when we were twenty. Are you kind? Smart? Passionate about something? A good friend/artist/cook/mathematician/shopper/whatever the heck it is you are? Make that what you focus on. Remember the reasons why you, the person, are awesome, and your body will start to look better every day.

To you, of course. It already looks fabulous to me.

Hey, gorgeous. You know what really wouldn’t suck? If you liked How Not to Suck on Facebook and followed us on Twitter (@hownottosuckblg–no, really. No o). Stay beautiful.

*Hi, there! Thanks for reading my footnote. Readers, if any of you feel at all like your body image is extremely distorted or that your eating/exercise habits are profoundly affecting your physical and/or emotional health in a negative way, please go see a doctor. You are special, you deserve to be happy and healthy, and you are loved (and not just by people who want you to continue reading their blogs).

In a perfect world, nothing about our appearances would matter. We’d all be able to shut off the part of our primal brain that makes judgments about people until we’d talked to them for at least half an hour, and we could appreciate clothing solely for its ability to keep us warm and safe from the elements. We could all begin relationships and base our levels of confidence entirely on our intrinsic abilities and qualities without looking at people’s outsides at all.

I hope I’m not informing you for the first time that this is not a perfect world. Like it or not, what you wear actually matters… sometimes. There are occasions when comfort definitely needs to trump style. If you’ve got three exams in one day (or even one), the last thing you need to worry about is your skinny jeans cutting off your circulation. Take that day to wear sweatpants and wear them with pride, knowing that behind the cotton, lycra and polyester lies a highly successful person who’s got their entire life together. The rest of the time, though, that highly successful person needs to show through on the outside.

Is appearance everything? Absolutely not. It is something, though. Yes, it’s what’s inside that really matters, but most people don’t have x-ray vision. (If you do, comment below. I’ve got some Star Wars toys to look for in the cereal aisle at Walmart.) Your professors, employers, and potential romantic interests aren’t going to know you’re a confident, awesome, put-together badass unless you present yourself that way, and dress is a big part of your self-presentation. More importantly, there’s a good chance that you won’t really know what a confident, awesome, put-together badass you can be until you start dressing like it.

Fashion magazines? Feh. You don’t need ‘em. Just print out this post (or bookmark it on your phone—c’mon, this is the 21^st century) and take it with you to the mall. Below find 6 simple, widely-applicable suggestions to guide you toward dressing yourself adequately; that way, you can focus your attention on the stuff you really do care about. (Like developing X-ray vision.)

What is not sucking? Not sucking is defined in the world of personal wardrobe as being able to dress appropriately for a number of different occasions while still expressing your own personality.

1. Consider three things. Before you leave the house in an outfit, think about whether it’s appropriate for the occasion for which you’re dressing, whether it’s comfortable, and whether it’s something you actually like. If the answer is a definite, unequivocal “no” to any of those questions, go back to your closet. Examples: Jeans are really comfortable and lots of people love them the world over, but they aren’t appropriate for a formal situation like a wedding or a ceremony honoring the men who destroyed the Death Star. Six-inch turquoise heels are appropriate for a party, but no matter how much you love them, there’s absolutely no way you can spend an entire night in them without wishing you could just take your feet off like a Bratz doll.* Leggings and Nike shorts are really ridiculously comfortable and they’re appropriate for going to the gym, but if you have a borderline irrational hatred for them like I do, you shouldn’t put them on your body. Get it? Good. Moving on.
   

   Clearly, warrior princesses know how to dress for formal occasions like giving medals to their brothers and scruffy looking nerf herders. Gif from elizabeth-hoot.livejournal.com.

2.  Make it interesting. Stacey London and Clinton Kelly of What Not to Wear (may it rest in peace) advocate for representing at least one of four things in each outfit you wear: color, texture, pattern and/or shine. Caution: these things can be easy to overdo. You don’t want different pieces of your outfit competing with each other, not least because shoes fight dirty. Start by consciously including one piece that’s either colorful, textured, patterned or shiny every time you get dressed; be very wary of including all four.
3.  Learn what fits. This is entirely an exercise in trial and error, because sizing systems (especially women’s, but men’s to a certain extent as well) are insane. A medium shirt in one store could be the same size as a small in another and could even be an extra-large in a different shop (hello, Abercrombie & Fitch). Even if we throw out sizing as a measure of fit altogether, figuring out what clothing cuts and fabrics flatter your body can be difficult. A couple of rules of thumb: If you’re pulling and tugging at it uncomfortably or you’re swimming in it, it doesn’t fit. When in doubt, ask a friend who is honest enough to tell you when something doesn’t do you justice but kind and well-adjusted enough to place blame for any unflattering looks where it belongs: on the clothes, not your body.
4.  Invest. You don’t have to be able to feed a small country with your wardrobe or have big-name designers on every label to have quality clothing; just make sure you’re buying fabrics that will last you a while. In the long run, a $30 shirt from Maurice’s or Express is less expensive than buying one $20 shirt from Forever 21 or Walmart (delicate shudder) and having to replace it three months later when it falls apart.
5.  Accessorize. Jewelry, shoes, hats and other accoutrements can be a really easy way to inject your personality into your wardrobe. Also, belts are magic. They make baggy things fit. Try one. Seriously.
6.  Listen to yourself. If you really hate something, it’s not for you. If you really love something, it is. For any given piece of clothing, there’s a 99% chance that there’s a way to style it so you can wear it in public without drawing ridicule or losing credibility. Mostly, that depends on confidence—and, like the Grinch learned about Christmas, that doesn’t come from a store.

*I tried and failed to come up with an appropriate and love-inducing, but wholly uncomfortable, article of clothing that was also gender-neutral (or even traditionally for men). If you have an idea of what that might look like, leave a comment below or like this page on Facebook and continue the conversation there.