What’s in your purse?

Oh… oh boy. See, the answer to this depends on which purse you’re talking about. See, in my tiny, adorable Betsey Johnson bag from TJ Maxx with the little ladybugs on it, I have

• my keys
• my phone
• my debit card
• my driver’s license
• a new Chipotle membership card (because I have a problem)
• my Torrid Insider credit card (because I Have A Problem)
• a Torrid gift card (because I Returned Some Bras Without a Receipt)
• a Publix gift card (because My Mom is Great)
• an inhaler (because I have asthma)
• an Epi-Pen (because tree nuts will kill me)

But, see… I can’t always carry that bag, because I’m a grown woman and grown women have a lot of stuff. So, in my Great Big Functional But Still Cute Michael Kors bag (also from TJ Maxx),

there is

• a wallet containing other forms of ID and cards
• some CVS receipts that are 2 months old (in case I ever need an expired coupon for tampons)
• a copy of Inkheart by Cornelia Funke
• two pairs of sunglasses
• a pair of 3D glasses I accidentally took out of Finding Dory
• some earbuds
• a flyer explaining the Chipotle rewards program
• a bag from the dentist (contents: 1 toothbrush, 1 tiny tube toothpaste)
• a bookmark from my local library
• a dead Barnes & Noble gift card
• seven loose mints
• ten pens: 1 Sharpie Extra-Fine Point, 9 Pilot G2-07s
• 3 lipsticks: 2 Elf Cosmetics, 1 Tarte
• receipt from the FDLE, dated May 20th, from the background check I had to pay for in order to start working at my last job
• Torrid coupons, expired 1 month
• 1 empty saltine box
• 2 empty boxes of generic Claritin
• business card from my eye doctor
• a bookmark from my favorite local bookstore
• a checkbook, empty except for carbon copies
• a flyer for a local production of Sondheim’s Assassins, which my friend Ira is performing in this week
• a ColourPop contour stick in Dove
• several Starbucks napkins

What’s in your purse? (Or your… I dunno, pants pockets, if you’re a guy. What do you people even carry around??) Let me know on Twitter.